


Regret

by akite



Category: Star Trek: The Original Series
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-04-12
Updated: 2015-04-12
Packaged: 2018-03-22 13:46:54
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 359
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3731146
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/akite/pseuds/akite
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Spock's thoughts on his deathbed.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Regret

REGRET  
A. Kite (August 2000)

Computer, open personal log.

It is strange how the habits of a lifetime still linger. Now as I am close to death, I feel the need to record my reasoning.

I am tired of life, of living. Death is welcome here.

I am alone. There will be no one to take my Katra to the Hall of Memory. This is good. It is what I wish.

I hope that in releasing my spirit to wherever it would go that it will be taken to the place that I long to be.

With Jim, with my t'hy'la. I was not with him when he died.

Yes, I have many regrets. That I was not on the Enterprise B when the Nexus took Jim Kirk is one of them. When I was unable to get to Viridian III when he was released from the Nexus is another. I heard his mind call to mine, but I was too late.

The biggest regret I have is that he did not know of my love for him while he lived. I denied him and the emotion. I denied myself of happiness in this life. I hope to reconcile that in the next.

Why did I not confess my feelings? Why did I deny them even in the fire of Pon Farr? I should have died then and every time afterwards. He would not let me.

He quenched my fire, and still I denied him. Vulcan pride and tradition, I refute tradition now.

I can only hope that my half human soul is enough to take me to him. I can only hope he can forgive me.

There are none in this time to grieve that I am gone. All who knew me are dead. I am ready to join them. Here I am but an icon of a bygone era.

A lonely shell of the man I could have been. With only my intellectual achievements to comfort me. I welcome death. Let it take me.

Jim...

The recording ran on for many seconds before the computer noted the lack of anymore input and shut itself off.

The End


End file.
